Today I can proudly say I’m still not drinking! That. Is. Awesome. I’m so grateful. While I’m not a religious person, each night before I go to sleep I say a prayer of thanks for the will power it took for me to get over that first mega-hump of alcoholism.
On the downside, as sort of expected, my focus moved from drinking back to bulimia. I’ve been in a very consistent routine of hitting the gym with running and weights on M-F, then walking for 1.5-2 hours on Saturday and Sunday. THAT is all fine and dandy. I love being strong and (relatively) healthy. My diet is cleaner than it’s ever been and I haven’t touched fast food in a couple months. BUT, I’ve quickly gotten into purging my lunch every day during the work week. It’s dumb, it’s bad, it’s gross, it’s a senseless thing to do, but just watching that number go down on the scale…man, what a rush.
That said, I have an appointment with my therapist next week. It’s to be a check up on the booze thing, but I may as well fess up to what’s happening. We’ve touched on this before, I recall, way back in February so it won’t come as a surprise to her by any means, but oh well…keeps her in business, I suppose. Regardless, best to nip this in the bud before I end up way back where I was ten or so years ago.
So other than THAT ugly-ass monkey on my back, everything ELSE in my life is going quite peachy. Amazing how not dumping toxic chemicals down the gullet and actually working out can help one’s mood (duh). I haven’t had a crying fit in weeks, nor have I gotten irrationally angry, nor do I have a cloud of constant doom-and-gloom hanging over my head, following me everywhere I go.