Life.

1.5 months of ‘normalcy’. Well, almost. Interesting thing happened over Easter. I went up to my folks and had one beer with my dad in the afternoon and that was nice. With my living a state away for the past 15 years, they have noooo idea of my alcohol problem. After they went to bed I sat in my childhood bedroom thinking about the bourbon in their liquor cabinet. While I went back and forth in my head for a while, I allowed myself to defeat my better judgement and went for a glass. Then another. Then one more. And wouldn’t you know, I barely felt drunk even though I know I had to have been. Anyway, I went to sleep (of course, it was a poor night of sleep) then woke up on Easter Sunday with a raging hangover. No barfing but my head was pounding and I felt dizzy and hot and just…shitty. I got dressed and ready for church but then was like, “Nope. Can’t do it.” I have a history of stomach problems dating back to forever, so they didn’t question my feeling ill. I was pretty much worthless for the morning and then come lunch time, with guests and a gorgeous ham on the table, I had to excuse myself and went to take a nap. Woke up from the nap still feeling like hell, and extremely disappointed in myself for ruining what should have been a lovely day. Well, ruined it for me. Everyone else went on with their business (for which I’m glad). My mom came to check on me when I was lying down and even though I’m 38, she wiped my brow and told me I meant the world to her. Just thinking about it now makes the tears well up.
I felt so sad. My parents aren’t going to be around forever and I only see them a few times a year as it is.
So I left for home a few hours later. The four-hour drive kind of sucked, but I was feeling much better than earlier in the day.
At least it was extremely easy to get back on that wagon. I have no idea why I felt the need to drink that bourbon. It was a stupid mistake and I paid for it.
I did wonder why I didn’t feel drunk that night. But a few days later I was reading a few posts in a Lamictal group on Facebook and a few people made comments that the drug made them not feel drunk. I didn’t even think of that, but maybe that is what happened with me.

Aaaanyway, another bump in the road, but once again I’m back to cruising.

Overall, most days I have very few, if any cravings. I’m overjoyed that I’m not constantly thinking about alcohol. That makes it infinitely easier on me. Last Sunday was a beautiful and warm sunny day and THEN I felt a nagging for “just one cold beer” but I’m not one to go to a bar by myself, and I knew I wasn’t going to buy a six-pack. I could have walked to get an individual tall boy or something, but I knew I would have had to toss the can in the garbage out back before J got home from work, and the extra calories and my body thinking of it as sugar and blah blah blah. So I just kept myself busy and more or less forgot about it.
ALSO, I finally started watching “Shameless” on Netflix (OMG OMG OMG SOOOO GOOD) and obviously there’s a TON of drinking in that show. Every now and again I see them (the FAKE PEOPLE) drinking and I get a little “well, THAT looks fun!” feeling. But those feelings are quickly squashed when I see Frank always drunk and gross and just…icky. I really like the show for that reason. It doesn’t glorify drinking. It shows the reality of alcohol. A great show on so many levels. LOVE IT. I just finished season 3 last night and am practically giddy that 1) the show is still being made and 2) Netflix has ALL the seasons, so I have like, four more seasons to catch up on. YAY!

In other news, our stupid fridge died two days ago. First night the freezer, then the next day the fridge. (What is that called? You got the freezer, and then the place just to keep things cool, but the whole thing is called a fridge? I don’t get it. Whatever. ) That night we tried to eat as much of the food as we could from the freezer before it spoiled, so dinner was pizza, egg rolls, pizza rolls, and cinnamon rolls. Ughhh. Gut rot x10.
The new fridge should be here by the weekend *fingers crossed* and today poor J has the job of tossing out everything. I opened it up this morning to grab the creamer in hopes that it was still good (surprisingly, it was), but the fridge reeeeeked inside. I was hoping when they hauled it out when the new one arrived they could just keep it closed, but I guess they’ll have to take the doors off, regardless, to get it out of the house. Boo. Stank-a-roonie.

Onto another day. We’re supposed to get thunderstorms this afternoon/evening. I LOVE a good thunderstorm. Yay, Spring!

About LilyQuits

I'm a mess.
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2 Responses to Life.

  1. bluebird487 says:

    Glad to hear you had a bad experience drinking, which feels weird to type, but in this context is good! A new fridge means you can fill it with healthy and nourishing food – a nice, if unexpected, reset. I LOVED Shameless – wish I could start over and watch it again for the first time – enjoy it! Spring thunderstorms are so welcome and filled with new possibilities. Good for you to be back in the mindset of renewal and hope 🙂

    Like

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