How I Managed to Finally Quit.

I actually have no idea. I resigned myself to the fact that I am an alcoholic maybe 10 years ago. TEN YEARS. So for 10 years it’s always been on my mind that I was slowly killing myself and I needed to quit. I can’t even begin to guess how many times I’ve tried to quit since then, other than “LOTS”. Why did it seem to ‘stick’ this time around? I’ll never know. They say you have to really want it, and oh boy, I’ve wanted it for quite a while. At least I thought I did. But just one day I was like “Ok, this is it. I’m done now.” (Mind you, I’m only at a month as of today, so I’m the furthest thing from an expert, and things could change, but here’s to hoping they won’t.) And for whatever reason, it’s been relatively easy-peasy since then. The first week or so totally sucked ass as my body went through withdraw. I altered between feeling sorry for myself and being a raging bitch. But after that it wasn’t too bad. I consider myself very, very, very lucky.

Back when I smoked (~age 18–26), when I started having breathing issues I knew it was time for me to end that ‘habit’. That also took me an extraordinary amount of attempts to finally quit. But the same thing happened as it did with alcohol. I woke up one day and was like, “Ok, I’m done with this.” and that was that. The withdraw from cigs took much longer. I felt like shit for a couple weeks. I used the patch which helped IMMENSELY, but oh man, I really missed the routines that went with smoking. Going out for smoke breaks at work, having that first cigarette in the morning with coffee, meeting fellow smokers when at bars and clubs, etc. I remember actually crying because I felt like I lost something very personal and dear to me.

Anyway, I’m eternally thankful to whatever helped me finally say “enough is enough”. While I believe in some sort of ‘God’, I don’t think of it as something that grants wishes or whatnot via praying. I figure it’s something bigger than that, and has no real influence on what happens in life. So I figure something just clicked in my brain, something on an unconscious level that helped me get to where I am today. Whatever it is, THANK YOU.

About LilyQuits

I'm a mess.
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