I’ve been dealing with depression since I was about 14/15 years old. I’ve been on and off numerous medicines since I was 18.
I’ve had plenty of good months where I felt great, but I’ve had many more months where I felt not so great.
And it’s even worse when that depression is sitting on your shoulders during some of the sunniest, warmest months of the year.
My Uncle, whom I was very close to ever since the day I was born, passed away last week. I drove up to Green Bay from Chicago early Friday morning for his funeral. Spent five heartbreaking hours at the wake and funeral, (not to mention, having to spend hours talking to so many strangers while dealing with grief AND social anxiety), then turned around and drove four hours (through some crazy-heavy rain) back to Chicago. I managed to get home a little after midnight. I went straight to bed, didn’t even bother washing my face, and had probably one of the worst nights of sleep that I can recall. There’s nothing like being mentally and physically exhausted, but your brain is still trying to process everything from the past few days, so you have horrible dreams, you keep waking up, and you spend the majority of the night in what feels like “twilight” sleep.
I’m out of tears. Like, totally tapped out. But that heavy, shoulder-slumping feeling is just hanging on.
I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and just stared at my face and body, and loathed every inch of me. How I made it to work is beyond me.
Anyway. I’ll snap out of it. I always do. I just hate the waiting period.
And I can’t write all of this personal shit on FB, so here it is.