Death + Depression.

I’ve been dealing with depression since I was about 14/15 years old. I’ve been on and off numerous medicines since I was 18.
I’ve had plenty of good months where I felt great, but I’ve had many more months where I felt not so great.
And it’s even worse when that depression is sitting on your shoulders during some of the sunniest, warmest months of the year.

My Uncle, whom I was very close to ever since the day I was born, passed away last week. I drove up to Green Bay from Chicago early Friday morning for his funeral. Spent five heartbreaking hours at the wake and funeral, (not to mention, having to spend hours talking to so many strangers while dealing with grief AND social anxiety), then turned around and drove four hours (through some crazy-heavy rain) back to Chicago. I managed to get home a little after midnight. I went straight to bed, didn’t even bother washing my face, and had probably one of the worst nights of sleep that I can recall. There’s nothing like being mentally and physically exhausted, but your brain is still trying to process everything from the past few days, so you have horrible dreams, you keep waking up, and you spend the majority of the night in what feels like “twilight” sleep.

I’m out of tears. Like, totally tapped out. But that heavy, shoulder-slumping feeling is just hanging on.

I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and just stared at my face and body, and loathed every inch of me. How I made it to work is beyond me.

Anyway. I’ll snap out of it. I always do. I just hate the waiting period.

And I can’t write all of this personal shit on FB, so here it is.

About LilyQuits

I'm a mess.
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8 Responses to Death + Depression.

  1. thebongoroom says:

    I’m so sorry Lily. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Sending love and good vibes your way.

    Like

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your uncle. Obviously this will be a rocky road. As the above poster rightly says, self forgiveness now then it ever will be when dealing with your illness. Credit to you for dealing with all those emotions at the funeral. I’ve only ever been to two and honestly it took me a long time to recover from the mixture of emotions that went on in my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. thebongoroom says:

    Hey Lily, hope you are okay.

    Like

  4. thebongoroom says:

    Hey, Lily! The holidays are upon us. sometimes they are awesome, and sometimes they suck. I’ve been through my share of shitty holidays, and I can report that: they pass, it gets better, and most of all you deserve an awesome holiday. With all my heart, I wish you all the best this season and in 2017.

    Like

    • LilyQuits says:

      Over two months later I respond. THANK YOU!!
      The holidays weren’t the best, but they were also not the worst.

      I hope you’re having a lovely 2017!

      Like

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