I have to say, one of the greatest feelings is waking up early on a Saturday morning being all bright-eyed and energetic and ready to start the day, vs. hung-over and exhausted even after “sleeping” for 8-9 hours. I wish I could hold onto that feeling ALL the time, to help push back those nagging “come ON! It’s FRIDAY! You deserve a drink!” feelings that still pop up more often than not.
The past couple months haven’t been horrible, but haven’t been that great. I started justifying (HA! What a joke. And I *KNOW* it was a total joke.) a half-pint of vodka 3-4 days a week was ok, and then on a couple Saturdays I threw back a couple bottles of wine the afternoon/evening when J was at work. The weekdays were…”ok”. I’d finish the half-pint in maybe two hours, but would usually end up craving more, which wasn’t going to happen. So I’d get bored and end up taking a sleeping pill and going to bed at like, 8:30pm, to have a crappy sleep and wake up the next morning feeling fat and gross and tired and guilty. Yet, that next half-pint would be calling to me again by mid-afternoon. Rinse, repeat, etc.
And no matter how much I knew I would be sick the next Sunday morning, my alcoholic voice still managed to convince me it was totally ok to drink two bottles of wine and falling asleep/passing out by 9pm, just before J would get home from work.
Wow. What a life.
Anyway, been trying to get back on track this week and while it’s been annoying, it’s going good so far. Keeping my fingers crossed and not trying to get too confident or cocky. Been working out every day, and am eating healthy. Drinking tea like crazy. I slept quite good (sans sleeping pill!) last night and am up and ready for a 9am yoga class this morning.
I’m nervous for tonight. I am not going out (booze! booze! booze!) and am not sure if/when the AV is going to kick in to tell me wine would be ok. I have my paper journal out and am putting together a little to-do list of things to do vs. drink.
I’m suuuuper stressed for tomorrow. J’s parents are having a “Yay! Five-years cancer-free!” party tomorrow afternoon with oh my god, almost 60 people. There won’t be a lot of drinking, but here is when I’d make sure I’d have a secret supply of my own in my purse to take nips of when heading to the bathroom or something. My social anxiety is going to go NUTS. Ughhhhh.
But I guess if I can successfully get through this whole weekend sans-drinking, I will be SO PROUD OF ME. That would be a big, ol’ hurdle for me.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Let’s see. Wish me luck!