Wooh, it’s been over a month since I’ve updated.
Winters in Chicago…ugghhhhh. We’ve been lucky to at least have warm (albeit it, rainy) weather, but it’s just so, so, soooooooo dark all the time. I leave home in the morning before the sun is up, spend my commute in a dark subway, work in a dark office building surrounded by other dark office buildings, allowing pretty much zero sunlight (when there even is sunlight), commute back home under ground, and then by the time I am home, it’s already dark outside.
I’m still using that happy light every morning from 5:15-6:00. I guess it has to be helping somewhat (along with the Brintellix and Neurontin, I suppose) since I haven’t had any desire to throw myself in front of a train in quite a few months.
Sobriety is tough for me after the “pink cloud” stuff has floated away.
Why is “life” so hard? I don’t mean like, every day struggles or “oh, boo hoo, I live in a first world country and I have the sads now and again” but like…what’s the *point*? Everyone is living their life. I am sure there are more happy than sad people out there. You would think that since we all HAVE to live, it would be automatic that we would know how to *do* it.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to be happy for oh, 15 years now and I feel like I’ve made ZERO progress.
Anyway. I’m not drinking today.