Now that I’m actually sleeping vs. passing-out most nights, while I feel much more rested in the morning and hate the world a bit less than normal, I’m dreaming quite a bit again. Overall, I’m not having the most horrible dreams, but I feel like my brain is slowly chipping away at its alcoholic coating, and is re-exposing my worries and insecurities and all of that Not Fun stuff that I’ve used copious amounts of booze to repress.

Last night I had dreams of people I haven’t seen in years and ex-boyfriends I haven’t dated in years. Most were in uncomfortable or upsetting circumstances. Other than my remembering the specific people in the dreams, most of the situations and everything else have (thankfully) faded away.

I woke up with a start around about 3am and practically fell out of bed. It took me a while to fall back to sleep but knowing my past is in THE PAST was a bit comforting.

“They” say something along the lines that whatever age you were when you started abusing substances HARD is basically the age you mentally remain at, until you quit and attempt to move along in your life. That would mean I basically have 8-10 years to catch up on. Which is funny and freaky at the same time, because looking back at last night’s dreams…yeah, a lot of those situations would have been about a decade ago.

About LilyQuits

I'm a mess.
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